You’ve faced a hurdle that was long overdue, and you are still facing it, but I would like to commend you for your strength throughout these trying times. Giving others credit for seemingly simple steps is one of your most notable actions, but now it’s time to give that credit to yourself.
As multiple people—from family and friends, to strangers—have entered your space, dictating the actions that you should take to move forward, you have allowed yourself to receive the information, process it, and make choices. Although you have leaned on specific people for their approval, and for the answers, you wouldn’t be moving forward if it wasn’t for you.
You could easily have given up at this point, whilst the skin that you’re in feels abnormal, and the spirit within feels alien. Instead of giving up, you are fighting. Fighting the negative energies that are trying to make a home within you, and pushing them out, whilst letting love come in. An abundance of love, at that.
You are a dreamer, and maybe that’s because you’ve had so much that you have wished to escape in life, and that’s not a problem. You are allowed to dream. But it’s time to make those dreams come true by being focused on recovering. And although it’s hard, and all you want to do is watch The Notebook and cry your heart out, you have to make plans too. You have started today, and you are moving forward—don’t stop moving forward. You can watch the film and cry, after you’ve done the little tasks that you’ve given yourself. Baby steps.
This is not the beginning, nor is it the end, but it’s a place in time that I never want you to forget. Not because you have all of the answers to your worries, and muddled thoughts, but because you don’t—and you don’t need to. You have spent your whole life making excuses for people, and trying to rationalise everything, so that you could give peace to those around you—in hopes that you would find peace there. Reality is: the peace is within you.
You give advice to others, and feel like that heals you—it doesn’t. And that’s okay. There will be plenty of hurdles in life, whether they’re bigger than this, or smaller than this, but they will come—and that is something that you must not be afraid of. These hurdles are here to build you up to be better, and do better, which will in turn create a better environment for yourself to be in.
Do you need all of the answers to all of your thoughts? No, you don’t. If you needed them, they would be here, and they’re not. If ever the time comes that you need those answers, then those answers will come, but until then all that I ask is that you continue to breathe. Breathe in for 7 seconds, breathe out for 11—and keep on breathing. Breathing is simple to many, but hard for you right now, but its a hard start that is important to make. Whilst you’re still breathing, you can still push forward and be whoever it is you truly are—and truly want to be.
You’ve met snippets of Liss over time, but I don’t feel like you’ve met her completely yet. That’s why you’re starting again, from scratch. Picking up the pieces that you’re adamant belong; such as your clean heart, positive outlook on life and resilience. And letting go of anything that doesn’t feel like it belongs, or fits; such as negative thoughts, and traumatic memories that you aren’t certain belong to you—or others. Leave the hurt behind, and walk in your faith. You are capable of doing so, as long as you believe in yourself—then take the necessary steps.
Continue to show gratitude to your loved ones, the ones that have truly showed that they care. Even the ones that aren’t in your space at the moment, but have contributed to creating a safe space for you to have this mental break. You’re not better yet, and it’s going to take however long it needs to, but the most important thing to remember is that: you are embarking on this journey to get to your dream destination. There is light at the end of the tunnel—a light of positivity.
It will be okay eventually, and instead of worrying about everyone else, and seeking validation externally, take a moment to look within. Nobody should have hurt you, and you’ve been hurt for a very long time, but instead of worrying about the hurt, focus on the good—the love. This is prime time for you to find out who you are, and those that are meant to be around, will stick around. Those that aren’t meant to stay will continue to walk their paths, in their own way, and find their own light. And that is perfectly okay too. We’re all supposed to do that because we’re individuals, and no two individuals have the exact same path—even those that are meant to meet each other along the way. The journeys are always different.
Wherever you’re meant to be, you will get there eventually. Just keep the faith alive. Believe in the protection of the universe. Continue to love those that show you love. Allow your eyes to cry floods if they need to—even when they soak your blanket because you’re too emotional to get tissue. And don’t worry if you’re not ‘back to normal’ again for a while. It’s going to take it’s time, and although you’ve come so far in such a short space, you still have much further to go. Keep going L.
Love and light, Liss x