It’s day two of 2018, and I’m back again so that’s progress. I’ve been thinking about boundaries this morning and the respect I deserve. I’ve come to the realisation that I work very hard on bettering myself, and although I really don’t give myself as much credit as I deserve, I credit myself enough to know that I will not allow others to disrespect me by wasting my time and ruining my process of bettering myself.
Boundaries are so important, I cannot stress this enough. Set boundaries for absolutely everything or you will fall for literally anything. Do you want to become a publicly used and trodden-on doormat? I’m sure someone reading this shrugged their shoulders and thought, “Why not? People treat me that way anyway”.
You are way too special to allow yourself to be damaged by nasty individuals, who build themselves up by beating you down. I’m here to let you know that it’s time to start protecting yourself, by setting boundaries, and sticking to them.
Me personally, I have many boundaries. I’m one of those people who has absolutely no intention, in life in general, on waiting on anyone for anything. I don’t need anyone to give me credit for anything that I’m doing, or have done, because I should, and can, credit myself. My favourite moments are usually the ones that I’ve experienced on my own, so I don’t need people around me for me to enjoy myself. Can you see the pattern here? I’m perfectly fine and well on my own, and don’t need anyone around me. I’m at peace when I’m alone – and, for me, peace breeds growth.
“If you enjoy your own company, you will never feel lonely.”
Learn to love yourself by spending time alone, and finding things that make you happy, without having to directly interact with other people. Get a hobby, whether that is watching tutorials on YouTube and learning something new, or going for a walk every morning. Hobbies are not one-size fits all, so don’t feel pressured to do the same thing as someone else because “society finds it acceptable”. Just find happiness in your own space, because this is your life, not anybody else’s.
Being alone is my favourite thing, so if I’m allowing other people into my space then I’m doing so because I want to – not because I feel that I need to. I feel like this mindset, of loving my own company, and only giving my time to people when I want to, helps tremendously with setting boundaries, and sticking to them. It allows me to know what peace feels like, and that means that when someone oversteps my boundaries, and takes me away from that peaceful place, my internal alarm bell starts ringing.
“Don’t ignore the signs. As soon as someone shows you who they really are, believe them. Disrespect is not to be tolerated, ever!”
There are 24 hours in a day, and we all use those hours differently. However, if you want to spend time with someone, you should find out what their schedule is, so that you can make time for one another accordingly – and fairly.
If your friend works a 9-5 from Monday to Friday, don’t call them at 12 midday on Wednesday for general chit-chat. They are at work! People that do this are selfish. If you don’t remember that your friend works a 9-5, you clearly don’t listen to them properly, which means that the person is not really your friend! Leave them alone, and allow them to find friends that truly care about them, and respect their time. Otherwise, you’re just blocking their blessings – and that is not fair! Would you want someone to do that to you? I highly doubt that you would.
I’m busy most of the time. I have my office job, then my remote job, then blogging, making time for my hobbies, and after that I probably have five hours to sleep on my best days. There are some days (usually Saturday’s) where I have the least amount of things to do, and I prefer to spend those days in bed watching documentaries, or reading a book, or doing something else relaxing. However, if friends/family want to do something with me and I feel like it will be nice, or help them, then I will make time for it. I want to help my loved ones and I want to do nice things, but I don’t want it enough to allow people to ignore my boundaries and disrespect me.
Actually, this will be better explained with some examples, so let’s go through a few:
If we have an arrangement for 2pm, don’t turn up at 7pm thinking that I’m going to bend my plans for you – I’m not. You will have to go straight home, and I won’t feel bad about it. There’s no excuse for you not rearranging if you couldn’t make it.
Don’t tell me your five minutes away when you haven’t left your house, which is an hour away. That’s a lie, and it’s also inconsiderate. By lying, you’re taking away my choice of waiting, or doing other things, and I may have other arrangements that you’re now disrupting by making me wait for you. I’ve learned to stop waiting, so if you’re not on time, and aren’t telling the truth, I will continue with my day. However, someone without boundaries will continue to wait, and that is not fair on them at all. Don’t take advantage of those that care for you.
If I tell you that I have 30 minutes free to have a phone call with you, we will start rapping up the conversation 29 minutes in. I didn’t tell you that I had 30 minutes for no reason so, no matter what my reason is, you should respect my wishes. Don’t elongate things to try and stretch out the conversation because you’re free, and have nothing to do, I will hang up the phone.
If I invite you to my house, please take note of what is offered in the invitation, and do not overstay your welcome. I’m not evil, if I say that you can come to my house on Tuesday, and it’s not for a party (or anything else with a specified timeframe) then I’m opening myself up to you coming when you’re ready. However, coming over on Tuesday also means leaving my house on Tuesday – even if that’s 23:59 at night. If I wanted a sleepover then I would’ve said that in my invite, don’t just assume and come with luggage, because I will ask you to leave before the day is over. I won’t feel bad, you would have brought the awkwardness onto yourself. Mi casa IS NOT su casa!
If you want help with something, or to collaboratively work together on something, that I believe in, and I am able to assist, I will. Once I’ve agreed to it, don’t you dare ignore your duties and leave me to pick up the slack. I will put my effort in, and I expect you to do the same. Otherwise, don’t ask me for help. I will not help you, if you don’t want to help yourself. Do as you say you will, or I will not be doing anything with, or for, you again.
Do not tell me gossip about people that I do not know, nor care about. “Do you know stranger 1? You do, it’s stranger 2’s girlfriend from Instagram! Well she slept with stranger 3, and he’s her sisters babies dad…and I know that you don’t care, but I’m going to keep on telling you about strangers, because I have nothing else to talk about!” My free time is limited, and yours with me is even more so. Therefore, use it wisely or you’ll find that once you’ve ignored the boundaries that I have set, there will be nothing more coming from me to you.
Those are just a few examples, I hope that you can get the gist of where I’m coming from, and implement your own boundaries too. I’m a woman with boundaries, many of them, and I have lost my way sometimes, and allowed people to feel exempt from having to adhere to my boundaries out of pity, or lack of energy to deal with the excuses. However, I’m back on my A-game (A for attitude) and people will be given no more allowances.
One strike and you’re out, because if you don’t respect my boundaries then you don’t respect me – and who’s got time for disrespectful people? Not me…not us! We could be spending our time with people that appreciate, and respect us, instead. That’s much more fulfilling!
Say it with me: I don’t have time to waste, and neither do any of you. Point, blank, period. I will be respected, and I will respect others – it will be a mutual exchange of respect. If I am disrespected, I will remove myself from those who choose to overstep my boundaries, and they will be blocked from the blessing of me.
Lots of love and light, Liss x