I can’t speak for the whole world but in the UK, lately, we’ve seen the rise and fall of social media influencers, if that’s what we’re calling them, and their personal relationships. It’s become a trend for people to “validate” their relationships by posting everything on social media and although they like to proclaim it’s for genuine reasons, it’s hard to believe that people reposting their pictures/videos and calling them “relationship goals” hasn’t gotten to some of their heads.
With that being said, I’m going to answer a few quick questions on social media and relationships without throwing shade on particular people; this is not a name and shame! However, it is inspired by the recent turmoil of a few social media relationships and I won’t pretend it’s not.
Firstly, when did people start using social media to validate their relationships?
In my opinion, social media became poisonous in relationships when Facebook allowed people to show their relationship status. Bad idea! There were people like myself who would “marry” friends on Facebook just for the banter (although it really wasn’t funny; it was actually quite weird) and then there were other people who put their genuine relationship status’ on Facebook and let us know that they had a new boyfriend as often as I get my nails done (which is every 2 weeks) with the click of a button.
How soon into your relationship should you post your partner on your social media?
There isn’t a timeframe, you can post your partner the first day you start dating or 5 years into the relationship on your wedding day, it’s definitely up to each individual. Personally I would probably be more likely to post my partner on social media probably 10 years into marriage but that’s just because I’m very private. I have nothing against people posting their partners on social media, ultimately it’s not my business. My only bother is the fact that some of these “public figures” don’t post the truth all the time, or ever. Relationships have good times and bad times but some people only seem to show the highlights. Then when the relationship breaks down they show us all of the negative things that were apparently happening beneath the surface and expect us to understand. How sway? If you know that things aren’t great should you really be accepting all of those goals compliments? I don’t think so. If you’re going to be public with your relationship and show “everything” then really show us everything or don’t show us anything at all; you feel me?
Does putting your partner on social media make your relationship any more solid than those who don’t?
No it doesn’t. Usually the people who post their relationship on social media all the time aren’t as happy as they claim to be. I’ve literally sat with people as they’ve told me that they can’t stand their partner and that there’s a lot of issues in their relationship whilst they post them on Instagram and ask me for a lovey-dovey caption. Yes, I’m being serious! I’ve never understood the logic behind it because I’d think you’d put effort into fixing your relationship, if you were going through a rough patch, but nowadays as long as the world thinks that you’re “relationship goals” then that’s all that seems to matter. Talk about a backwards society!
What do you think about those people who look at relationships on social media and call them relationship goals?
I must admit that I am so guilty of doing this myself. I mean Lauren London and Nipsey Hussle are my babies (in my head), so were Tupac and Kidada, and I’ve called them goals countless amount of times, so to say that people who say goals are idiots would be calling myself an idiot; and I’m most certainly not about to do that (giggles awkwardly). However, am I saying it because I seriously think their goals? No. I’m saying it because a picture is cute and I wish I had one like it. Literally, a picture – nothing deeper.
In all honesty though, I think it depends on the person and how impressionable they are. I’m well aware that Lauren London and Nipsey Hussle are human and probably go through things as much as everyone else but I like their dynamic from what I can see and I think it’s cute because it’s relatable to me. I don’t base my life around it, it’s pretty much just something that looks cute; I don’t take it seriously. However, some people believe everything they see and don’t see anything beyond it. So, they see a couple on Instagram eating out at The Shard and going for spa days and think, if they find someone to do the same with, they’ve made it. They think that pictures on social media define a happy relationship. They don’t. I mean pictures may come with being in a relationship but being in a relationship is a lot more than a few luxurious pictures on social media; please don’t be fooled.
Do you think that Instagram, or social media in general, ruins relationships?
No. You’re not in a relationship with Instagram; you’re in a relationship with your partner. It can only take one, or both, of you to ruin that relationship. People like to diminish their responsibility for the breakdown of their relationships by looking to social media to find something to blame. YOU or YOUR PARTNER ruined that relationship. If a person claims that social media is the reason they broke up with someone then more than likely it means that them, or their partner, had an unhealthy mind-set and used Instagram, for example, to fulfil their imbalanced needs. If you go on social media to stalk your partner, or if you see followers/likes as an issue (a lot of arguments are over little things like that these days) then you need a break from social media. You are not using it properly. You also may need to separate from your partner because you have trust issues; which is the reason those little things are bothering you.
Give us your advice for people who use social media and are in relationships?
Don’t do too much. Make sure that you’re in a solid relationship before posting your partner on social media. If things are not going well in your relationship, get offline and go and work things out, don’t look to social media to fix things or validate your status because it won’t work. Stop stalking your partner’s profiles; and if you can’t help yourself then don’t follow them on social media. If you have the “if you didn’t post it then it didn’t happen” mentality then get off social media all together and you’ll probably find that you improve not only your relationship but your life in general.
Here are a few of my views. What are yours? Let me know.