One of the things that I am great for is giving advice to others, however I very rarely, to the point I could count it on my hands, ask for it myself. My reason behind this is that, I believe that the best advice you can get will come from yourself. However, sometimes we need others to remind us of that.
Here I am, to be your reminder: Self-advice is amazing!
I’ve given myself advice in numerous ways, some have worked, and some have failed, but I always revert to my ultimate favourite, and most effective way, of advising myself. I will share that method with you.
NB: I don’t know if this is an ‘actual’ practice. I personally came up with the idea on my own, when I was about 12, and gave it a name. However, with how effective it is, I doubt that I’m the first person to think of this idea. I would be surprised if it isn’t a practice used elsewhere in the world.
My note-to-self theory starts with writing a letter expressing your dilemma. It can be a paragraph, or it can be 10 pages long. Take as much time as you can, to throughougly write down everything that you are going through, how you’re struggling with it, and how you feel. WRITE IT ALL DOWN, it will never be too much for paper, but its too much to hold in your mind.
Imagine that you are writing to an agony-aunt, or your go-to friend that usually gives you advice, but without the fear, or anxiety, that someone else will see what you’ve written. Don’t be afraid of yourself.
Once you’ve written the note/letter, put it aside for a short while. Sometimes, I write my letter at night, and then sleep on it. Other times, I have a cup of tea, and then get back to it. You can leave it for as long as you see fit, but please remember that you want to rid yourself of some emotional baggage, so get back to it as soon as you can. I believe that you should always have a break between writing different things; and this break gives you time to reverse your role. However, what works for me may not work for you, and you can write your response immediately if you feel like it. I’m just sharing what I do, but please tailor it to yourself, and your situation. You have the answers for you!
When you’re ready, read the letter back as if someone else had written it to you. We change with every breathe, and the person you were when you wrote the letter, is not the person you are whilst reading it. You have grown, and will grow even more when you’re finished.
Make bullet points of all of the key points in the letter, in order to break it down, and simplify it. Then write some advice for each point. Remember not to personalise it. Work solely on the facts at hand, and respond to them. Don’t make excuses for situations, just be as blunt as you possibly can, and straight to the point. What would you say to your friend, or a stranger, if they had handed you that letter? That’s what you should be thinking when writing your response.
Once you get going it will become easier for you to detach yourself, but it may be tricky at first. Sometimes, I get so carried away and creative, that I forget it is about me, and that’s the magic of it. Other times, I respond with such ‘common-sense’ advice, and laugh to myself about how I made something so simple seem like such a big deal. We all do it, it’s okay!
Now that you’ve finished, read it back. You’ve just advised yourself. Well done!
You can read it back as many times as you need to, or you can get creative and stick it on your wall, as a reminder, until you’ve worked through all of the issues that you had. You may need it again in the future, so try and hold onto it.
What do you do with the original letter? The one with all of your struggles and worries? You can keep it, as a reminder of how far you’ve come from being that person, and feeling that way. It’s up to you. My personal favourite thing to do with the original letter is turn it into a paper plane, or multiple paper planes, and make it fly as far as possible, taking my worries along with it. As I said before, it really is your choice how you do it, and what you do with it. Just make sure you do whatever feels right for you!
The process in itself is the healer, but I do find that keeping the letter of advice helps me. It allows me to work through each point of advice, ticking them as I go along, until I’ve worked through all of them. It also helped me when I visited a counsellor, because I was able to show her exactly what I was struggling with, and she was able to offer me alternative methods.
My note-to-self theory is great for me. It makes me feel better within myself, and happier with my life. I hope that it helps you too.
NB. Feel free to ask me any questions, if anything doesn’t make sense to you. If it works, please share the method with others that you think may need it.
Thank you for reading!
Love and light, Liss x